Marriage

I mislead you yesterday when I said my pills were $33 each. That would be true if I had a 3 month supply. I only have a 30 day supply so the cost is $110 per pill. I thank God each time I take one.
There is something to be said for 37 years of marriage. Brian and I were very young when we got married. It wasn’t until a year or two after we were married that our friends started living together without benefit of marriage. That never occurred to us. We both lived at home and then we were married. Now we have been married almost twice as long as we were single. We also waited five years before we had our kids which I think gave us a much more stable marriage. We have had a lot of fun along the way, playing some great pranks on each other and when we had Wendy and Kevin, they were not exempt. I think one of the secrets to our marriage is that we have made it fun. We have both grown as individuals, pursuing things that interested each of us separately. While we are secure in the knowledge that we are not dependent on each other to feel validated, we have found that our lives are much happier doing things together as well. As time went on, we found we were doing more things together than not. It of course helps that while Brian has a temper he has never used it against me. I didn’t even know he had a temper until after we were married. And I very seldom get angry so we compliment each other. We also respect each other. We have never said anything to each other that might hurt the other’s feelings. I, myself have never let those thoughts enter my mind. I think if you look for faults you are going to find them. Being a Pollyana, (put a long blond wig on me and Haley Mill’s cute face instead of my prednisone chipmunk cheeks, I would look just like her), I have always tried to find something good in everything and everyone. So always seeing the good in Brian is a natural for me. We have always said please and thank you to each other for everything, no matter how small. I am a firm believer that family comes first. Too many people treat others nicely because they want people to like them, then treat their family pretty crappy.
Now, even with his Alzheimer’s, Brian still tells me thank you each time I fix him a meal. He always tells me it is the best meal he has ever had, even if it is just soup and a sandwich. Sometimes Alzheimer’s patients personalities change and they lash out at loved ones. If anything, Brian is even nicer and more grateful for everything I do for him. And I am so happy that I can still do the essential things he needs.
This past year, we have both had some embarrassing moments but after 37 years of marriage, they are not embarrassing to us. We just help each other put things right and then laugh about it. I am sure that on this journey of ours we will have many, many more such moments and I hope that we will always be able to laugh.
Brian is having a harder time getting his thoughts across. But after 37 years of marriage, I can pretty much finish his sentences for him. I think this really keeps his frustration level much lower than what some people experience when they cannot get their thoughts across to others.
My hands don’t work right any more. Oh, I don’t have the stiffening and crippling in my hands that most scleroderma patients have. But I have the dropsies. And unlike Phebe on the tv show Friends, I am not very bendy. I can’t bend over to put my shoes on so Brian often has to try and help me. And several times a day I have to call Brian in to help me in my craft room and pick up my messes. We laugh and tell everyone that I am the brains and he is the brawn. Again, we complement each other.
I am sometimes baffled by the fact that we are both hampered by such harsh diseases. We have learned great coping skills throughout our marriage that so far have enabled us to enjoy each day and appreciate our time together.