In Sickness and in Health

This Saturday, one of my three favorite nieces is getting married. We are so excited as Jenny and Cliff are a perfect match and his family is just wonderful! This brings to mind Brian and my wedding thirty-eight years ago. We were just kids, 19 and 20. The vows we said were the standard, “take this man/woman in sickness and in health....til death do you part. We said our vows in front of everyone and meant them but not really understanding what they meant. We thought ours would be the perfect life and we were invincible. We both were able to grow up individually and together, and we changed along the way. Chronic illness has changed us more. The man I married is no longer that same person. The woman he married is no longer the same person either. If we were going through our illnesses when we were first married, our marriage may not have survived. The first few years (sometimes only months) of a marriage have the bloom of romance and hope. A marriage cannot sustain the romance of newlywed love. Every day life gets in the way. Brian and I were committed to our marriage and that commitment got us through the times we were both too busy building our careers or with the kids to have the time or passion for each other. Luckily those periods were short and we were able to get the passion back in our marriage. For several years Brian worked nights and I worked days. It was work to find time for each other and our love, but we did it. We would often play pranks on each other. Once we had ordered half a corpse made out of foam, etc. to use for our Halloween party. I was at work when it arrived. Before Brian left for work, he put it in our bed sitting up. We didn’t have a lamp that worked off a switch in our bedroom, so I always walked into the bathroom to turn on the light to see in the room. I was shocked when I saw the dummy, thinking someone was in our room. I called Brian at his work and gave him hell. He was laughing so hard I don’t think he heard me. No matter what, we always have shared a sense of humor. Our laughter still gets us through some tough days. Our ability to adjust to changes in each phase of our marriage, our commitment to each other and to our marriage, and our respect for each other have made our marriage strong. That strength has been what we have relied on to support each other in our disease processes and to appreciate the people we have become, rather than mourn the people we once were.