Time Flies

We moved in with Kim and Wayne the first of April. We had been thinking about it for a while and while it was a good decision, it was a traumatic decision for me. Brian and I were worried that since the new expensive pills don’t seem to help much, if something happened to me, Brian would not be able to call anyone for help. Brian and I are best friends with Kim and Wayne, even though we are relatives too. But moving meant putting our things in storage, this time maybe permanently. It meant that we had to admit that we needed help and even harder, accepting that help. It took me awhile to come to terms with making this difficult decision. Brian had no problem with it as we are both as comfortable at Kim and Wayne’s as we are at out own place. Brian has been very relieved and happy since we have moved. Kim cooks us a great dinner each evening and we have pretty well taken over the front room. Brian still watches all his favorite TV shows and I have a wonderful craft area in the bay window with lots of sunlight. It is nice not to have the pressure and the upkeep of our own place and we can concentrate on taking care of each other. Kim and Wayne understand the demands of being a caregiver and about once a week they make a point of being here for Brian so I can get out on my own. I am a night owl, which makes it the easiest time to leave Brian, when he is sleeping. I usually go to Thunder Valley Casino about 11 p.m. and spend my time watching and visiting with other night owls like myself. I do love to gamble, but being on a fixed income, I am limited to what I can play. Money isn’t the issue for me. No amount of money to gamble would satisfy my desire to forget my daily life. It doesn’t matter; just being there is an escape for me. I don’t take my oxygen and only use my crutches on a really bad day and just pretend my life is as normal as yours. I am happy to watch others, ( I love to people watch at Disneyland, too). Others in my situation may use alcohol to numb their feelings and quiet their thoughts but I have never been a drinker. Waking up the next day with a hangover doesn’t appeal to me. When I come home, I know that nothing has changed and I am tired from a long night. Not having to think, feel and deal with living with the stress and emotions of both of us having a chronic illness for those few precious hours helps me to keep an upbeat attitude around Brian,. It helps with my sense of humor and I am ready (albeit, reluctantly), to face a new day. I would like to be the best caregiver that Brian could possibly have which is difficult when dealing with my own issues. Thank heavens for the help that Wendy, Kevin, Kim and Wayne and even the grandkids give to us. I know I am not a super duper caregiver and not without my faults. Poor Brian is stuck with me 95% of the time. We have discussed having him go to a day center for Alzheimer’s patients for a change to his daily life, but at this time he would rather be with me. It is hard to watch Brian as his disease progresses but we try to keep his spirits up. This is a disease where it is harder on the people around him than on Brian himself. Blissfully, he isn’t aware of a lot of the things we see and his needs and wants are taken care of. His daily life is as enjoyable as we can make it for him.